Payton's best friend Bindi died

Payton 4yrs and Bindi 2yrs

This post may be long cause I figure I might as well blog about our time With bindi and lots of pictures but I just want Payton to be able to remember it all.

So It all began when Payton was almost 3yrs old.  We could not get Payton to go pee on the potty.  One day we decided to get Payton a snake and we told him that Steve Irwin goes pee on the potty and he gets to hold snakes. So if he could go all day without peeing in his underwear he could hold his new snake Bindi.  He was potty trained in 3days.  For any of you that know me know that I am deathly afraid of snakes so bringing one into my home was beyond uneasy for me.  The day after we brought bindi home I was taking a shower and Payton was in his play room ( or so I thought)  I all of the sudden smelt something burning so I came running out of the shower to round the corner and see the snake slithering thru Paytons tiny hands on my living room floor.  I began to scream and Payton calmly looked at me and said " mom I can handle this I am Steve Irwin" . In that moment he picked her up and put her back into her cage. It was then when I realized what was burning was the heat lamp on my coffee table.  Needless to say that moment broke me into what my world was going to look like with Payton as my son.  I also realized what a gift he had.  He wasn't even 3yrs old yet.  He was so calm and Bindi was so calm with him.  I will never forget that moment.  He just loved Bindi from the get go.  He couldn't get enough of her.  He also couldn't contain his excitement for her.  These next pictures show that excitement so well.

Payton would always say "Look at this little beauty"

Payton was so proud when Jaxton would hold her

I found him kissing her so gross but he would say to me " All things deserve love mom"

Some of the things I will never forget. 

- Payton use to zip Bindi up in his footed PJ's to keep her warm.

- he had to have pictures with her.

- He couldn't wait to show everyone that entered our home bindi

- He would lay and watch movies with her

- He would sit and play video games with her

Just a couple of months ago Payton got to take Bindi to a friends house that had recently got a ball python.  His friend was a little afraid of taking his snake out and holding her and after a couple hrs with Payton and Bindi this friend can now reach in and take his snake out and became much more confident in holding her.  Payton just has this gift he gets it about these Beautiful creatures.  He sees their beauty.  Bindi could be grumpy with Alex and Payton would walk in the room and hold her and she would just calm down.  Its safe to say that Payton was her best friend as well.  

In the last couple months Bindi Stopped shedding her eye caps which is bad cause then she can't eat.  This last week we finally found a great vet that works with snakes.  We took her in last week and the vet said that she looked so healthy she was on the Verge of overweight.  He had told us to put bindi in a pillow case with a tiny bit of water so it would help her shed her eye caps.  She was suppose to stay in the pillow case for three days and then we would bring her back to the vet with her still in the pillow case.  Last night Payton felt very strong about that we should take her out and check on her and we wouldn't allow him cause the vet said not to undo the pillow case for three days.  Well today Payton went to check on her and was touching her thru the pillow case and he knew so he opened the pillow case and took her out and she was dead.  I came downstairs to check on the boys and right then Payton looked at me with these sad eyes and said " mom my best friend is dead"  .  I didn't believe him cause she looked beautiful .  She had molted and looked so pretty. But she was really gone.  I never thought I could cry so hard over a snake but knowing my sons best friend was gone was just almost to much for me to handle.  I decided he could hold her and take as much time as he needed to say goodbye.  He asked me if I would take pictures since we would never get pictures again. ( many of you may think this is crazy that I did this but it was his wishes)   The next set of pictures are extremely sad. Consider yourself warned. 

Daddy Came straight home from work to be with us

They were so happy to have a hug from daddy

Payton was just laying with her. 

I think this is the moment it really set in.  Jaxton was such a great support to Payton today and he made me so proud he just comforted Payton and Cried with Payton.

Lola took this harder than I imagined.  I think seeing her brother so sad was just to much for her.  She just couldn't calm down.

In these Pictures you can just see what a great support Jaxton was today.  He even looked at me and said " I know what I am doing with my $100 dollars"  He won a hundred bucks for his mr. photogenic contest and he was so sad for Payt that he was offering to buy Payton a new snake with his money.  Just love my boys

This Picture blows my mind cause she looks so good she doesn't look dead

This Picture is almost to much to bare but I know it will be important one day

Rose came out today and boy was I happy she was here cause I had a really hard time with dealing with all this.  I just couldn't get ahold of my own emotions.

We had to get one more measuring picture.  I can't get over how big she had gotten.  She is as tall as Payt

So we got thru our good byes and my mom and dad came to see Payton and took us to dinner.  It was so nice of them to do that and was great to get our mind off of it all for a moment. After dinner I went to get a "headstone"  and somethings to help the funeral :)

This is Payton Getting her grave ready

One last time with her!

This Picture is so cute and I love it! I have so many just like this over the yrs.  I can't get over that she is gone in them cause she looks so alive.  Payton is so happy about this picture.

This is what Payton wanted her headstone to say.  To cute!

The final result.  Oh what a day!

So needless to say It has been one rough day.  I really can't believe she is gone I can't get a grip of my own emotions.  Payton has really been struggling lately feeling a little like he isn't as great as his brother and sister cause so much attention get given to them.  I have been just racking my brain the last couple weeks on how to help him feel special. Its just to much for  Payton to lose Bindi.  She has always been his sanctuary.  When he was holding her he felt like a million bucks.  Payton and I both know that with his passion comes alot of heartache cause he is dealing with live animals and they all die at some point.  I just wasn't ready for bindi to go.  I just pray I can offer Payton enough support and help him get thru all this.  He is such an incredible kid and just says things way beyond his yrs sometimes.  So tonight I put my arm around him again and rubbed his head and said that I was so sorry and he said " I know mom , I guess we just get to focus on the future cause there is no point of worrying about the past" .  Where does he come up with this stuff?  I sure love him and I just want him to know how amazing I think he is and It has been an amazing experience watching my tiny boy tell now learn how to care for a snake.  He has grown from being bindi's friend.  She defiantly helped shape the boy he is today.

Here are a few more pictures from over the yrs with bindi

Rest in Peace Bindi.  Payton knows your with Steve so he knows you will be well taken care of.  Its the only thing that brings him peace right now.



 

Home schooling has its perks

They can do their work with no shirts on LOL

So I never imagined being a homeschooling mom.  It is not what I would have picked for my path in life but something happens when you become a mom. Life stops being just about you and its about all these little life's and what you can do for them to give them the best opportunities.   We had been very frustrated with the help we weren't getting in public schools.  We had gone to the district to get approved for Payton to be held back for his third grade year and they wouldn't let us.  It seemed so crazy to me to send my 8 yr old to third grade when he couldn't even read.  What I didn't know is that in the public schools a decision like that isn't up to me and Alex it lies in the school.  Even Payton teachers didn't think he should go to third grade but some man that had never dealt with him had the final say.  Crazy but that's another post in itself LOL.   So In January we decided that we had to do something different .  Payton our sweet carefree boy that had never cared what anyone thought about him was starting to change.  He was loosing his spark that made him so special and it scared me so bad.  I was so afraid that the challenge of being in a classroom full of kids and never being able to do anything they could do was going to break his beautiful spirit.  I couldn't wait for someone else to care like I did about this.  Its almost like his teachers just saw him as a burden instead of seeing this amazingly gifted little boy.  He is seriously one of a kind.  I know I am his mom and I am suppose to love him like that but the truth is he is really that special. The kind of passion this kid has always had is unbelievable and a gift from god.  He was really put on this earth to change it.  I know without a Shadow of a doubt that he will leave a big mark on this world.  My fear got so overwhelming that for Christmas I decided to make Payton a video of how I see him so that he could be reminded that he is special and that even though he learns different he has a gift that not to many have.

This is the video I made him.

After giving Payton this video and seeing the spark come back in his eyes I made the decision to pull him from school and teach him myself.   I also had found a part time home school based private school that he could go to a couple days a week for three hrs a day.  When we getting ready to pull Payton I asked Jaxton what he wanted to do.  Jaxton is our very sweet boy that is always worried about other people and he was so worried about Payton having to go alone that he decided that he was going to go with his big brother.  I was so proud of him for taking a stand for Payton like that.  Especially when Jaxton did great in public school.   When we got the boys to the new part time school they tested them to see what grade level of work we needed to put them on.  I was stunned to find out that while paying so much attention to Payton who couldn't do most of the stuff he was suppose to that Jaxton was not even close to being challenged.  He tested at a third to forth grade level in every subject.  I felt like this horrible mother.  How could I have not noticed that he was way above what he was doing in his first grade class.  Needless to say I am so grateful that I pulled them both cause now I have them both on the work that they should be on.  I have been creating all of Paytons work around crocodiles and snakes and he is starting to retain.  I am so happy with the progress that they have both made.  There are days that its so exhausting cause I am now a full time teacher, mom, housekeeper, wife, and its been hard to figure out how to balance it all.  I know I am doing whats best for our kids and I have to remind myself that on days were everything I am teaching Payton isn't sticking and when there are days when I can't awnser Jaxtons questions cause he knows more than me :)  What an experience and I am growing from it.  These kids bless my life so much.  I have always doubted my own intelligence cause I struggle with retaining just like Payton. so its been good to remind myself that I am capable as well it just doesn't always look like the norm. 

So on days like today it helps me remember that there are perks to homeschooling.  We went to the Zoo for a family field trip and did some great learning.  Here are the pictures of this experience.  I know its a lot of pictures but I want to remember it all :)

So at the end of the day I am grateful that I am a homeschooling mom.  There are times I doubt it but these great moments out way any frustration I may ever feel. 

 

Lola is going to be a dancer

So It all began about 3 months ago. Lola told me she needed to talk to Whitney ( The studio owner were Jaxton dances) to tell her that she is going to be a dancer.  I have been really resistant not really sure why at first but the more I thought about it and got real about that I can't hold her back. I have always been very supportive with whatever my kids were choosing to be apart of but I just couldn't 100% get behind her.  I realized my fear of Lola being built like me and then being a dancer having to wear leotard's and tights was just so overwhelming for me. The thought that if she has big legs like me is someone going to say something like "look at the chubby little girl" .  Now I know that she is not chubby and its not really about her. Its about my own fear of some of the things I faced and I just wanted to protect her.  I know that I have to jump in and support her just the way I have with Payton being a wildlife warrior and Jaxton my little boy being a dancer. Why wouldn't I just do the same for her. Well I am now in that place.  It just took me a little time to face my own fears so I could show up for her the way she deserves. 

So Lola has been asking me and bringing it up alot in the last couple months as we have watched Jaxton Dance for the last couple of months.  I think she knew she had to try a new angle on me. Lola was off her Pacifier for months when she discovered one under the couch Alex let her have it for the day and that turned into a couple months worth.  It has really been bothering me cause she is three yrs old.  Any way back to my story on Sunday Lola came in my room jumped up on the bed and said "Mom I'm going to give my Paci's to Whitney so I can be a dancer"  How did I say no to that.  

This is the video we made for Whitney right after she told me what she was going to do.

So sure enough the next day we were getting Jaxton ready for dance and she was gathering her paci's and came running in the room and said "I'm ready to be a dancer" . We headed to inspire.  I wasn't really sure what to expect. Was she going to hesitate or change her mind?   Boy was I stunned when we walked right in and she walked up to Whitney and said "Whitney I'm going to give you my paci's so I can be a dancer" 

This was right after she made the deal with Whitney

After she did that I filled all the paper work out and got her signed up.  We had to buy her her little dancing Paws for her feet and she loved it.  We also went and got her a black little outfit.  She could hardly wait for her first class the next day.

So Tuesday came and it was time for her first class we got all ready and headed out to class by the time we got there this is what I was faced with

She was ready for dance but out cold LOL

I was really worried that when I woke her she was going to be ornery but I was amazed at how happy she woke up.  She was so excited for dance that she didn't even wave goodbye to me.  She just acted like she was a pro at this dance stuff.  

All ready for dance!

After class I asked her how it was and she said to me " mom Tia is the best" ( Tia is her teacher)  then she said " The girls were so nice to me, I'm going to really love dance".  Now how could I have really denied her this.  I am so grateful I got over my own stuff to let her have what she so desired for herself.   So it looks like after all I am going to have a dancing family .  Dance is alot more fun than I could have ever realized.  I guess my childhood best friend Breck Yates was right.  I was going to have a bunch of kids that wanted to dance and it was sure going to be funny to watch me learn how to be a dance mom. Well Breck I'm a dance mom and I am loving it.